I Loved You When

I loved you when I first laid eyes on you. I loved you when there were secret glances. I loved you when you smiled at me. When you sat next to me. When you talked to me. Your words leaving me beautifully dumbstruck. I loved you when everyone told me not to. I loved you when my pen gently carved your name into my journal. I loved you when it was wrong. I loved you when I knew I shouldn't. When I knew you would ruin me in so many ways. When I learnt what you had done. Yet I still loved you blindly. But I was too scared. To scared of rejection. Too scared of you. So I let myself continue to love you in my head. I guess I got too good at living there because you never saw. You never saw me. And eventually you began to love someone else. The funny thing is, I still love you. I still taste your name in my mouth before I say it. I still quietly tell my journal that you are perfect. I let you live in my heart and head even though you belong to someone else. I let my heart leap when I see you. When you look at me. I let it happen because I hope. I still hope. Maybe soon. But until then, in my heart you shall live until one day, someone takes your place.

C